The following blog is written by Stephanie Harrison:
Early in 1980’s my marriage, ministry and melancholy self was failing. It had a serious hold on me. I had everything to be happy about–a home, health, and a husband that loved me. I found myself in the pit of despair. Hating the world, all types of people groups and especially females with jazz, attraction or talent. I became a Black Widow spinning my web to hold my husband captive at my will.
Controlling, jealous, bitter and envious of others, I decide to destroy all special relationships my husband held at bay. Locking our selves in our home for years , no friends, family, TV, newspapers, or books. Allowing one thing that was not intrusive, the Bible. Obsession of Mike was continually preoccupying or intruding my thoughts. Fear of losing the love of my life put me in a place of destroying not only my life but destroying his. Mike couldn’t go to the store without me, watch TV, visit his Mother, speak to anyone nor have a friend. When he stepped out of the web so graciously spun, the poison of my mouth and heart accelerated by actions of rage trapped him again. He became paranoid of my next moves. Would I put my fist through another window, another shotgun to my head, jump out of the car into traffic or make a fool of him in public by an outburst of anger?
Hanging on to the one good book in our home and crying out to God in despair, the only hope of deliverance. Reading the word and wanting to be free of the gloomiest spirits, black bile and violent outbreaks of anger. Doing the things I hated and not doing the things I wanted became a constant struggle of impulses of anxiety, guilt, fear and hating my self. Linking all my dark morose emotional offenders including excessive grief, loneliness and alienation from the trauma of my childhood experiences was my Parent’s divorce, a car accident which left facial scars then the rejection to follow with childhood stabs and growing up without either parent.
My husband was controlled, manipulated, abused, and bound by the web of my fears, he never gave up on me and decided to be the Christ I needed. He took me in his arms and said, “I’m going to love the little girl in you until you get healed”. The first sign of a pivotal change from “Unbelief”. Wanting to believe he truly loved me and would be the one to bring healing to my broken unbelieving heart. I decided to give him a chance to love me. He worked with me daily using the tool of God’s unconditional love. 1 John 4: 16. “We have known and believe in the Love God has for us”. I knew God loved me, I didn’t believe he loved me, I knew my Mike loved me, I didn’t believe he loved me. I didn’t believe I was lovable. Mike helped me believe, my believer was restored.
My husband, Mike Harrison, the most stable force ever in my life, a man like Christ, resistant to opposition or ill condition, was not easily moved or disturbed by my extreme emotional disorder, yet planted his feet in a stable foundation of his belief in God’s transforming love. He was enduring in the storm, a permanent fixture, consistent, dependable, not showing or marked by erratic or volatile emotions or behavior. Having no mode of decay; indefinitely long-lived love broke through my melancholy blue funk, dark hole of my destructive path. I am forever grateful.
You will be astonished at your remarkable results.